As Good As it Gets?

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Image by Clarita

Its not going to get better. Get over it.

When I interview a potential client (I call it “seeing if we can stand to be in the same room together”) one of the things I listen for is conditionals. I listen for things like “When that new employee is fully trained…” or “I just need to get month-end behind me, and then I’ll get my my operations manual done” or “If I can get my line of credit paid down, then I’ll invest in …” When I hear those things, I know I am in conditional-land and we have work to do.

The first step to dealing with this is to play a game called “Let’s Imagine It’s Not Going to Get Better – Then What?” What if this current reality is as good as it gets? What if ‘good’ or ‘bad’ aren’t even useful words. What if the current mix of the predictable and the chaotic are just the way it is?

Then you realize that more often than not, now is the time to act. And it’s not about time management, it’s about priority management. You can’t manage time. There’ll be 24 hours today, and 7 days this week, no matter how many time management books you read. What you can manage are your priorities. Know what your main goals are for this month, this quarter, this life… and then evaluate how you are spending each moment of each day in relationship to those goals. It’s not that the conditionals are not important. They are. The problem is, there is no sense of where anything fits. There is no sense of what the return is on doing those things rather than something else. And when time is limited to 24 hours, you have to choose.

And its not about balance. A “balanced” life is another verbal trick, like “managing” time. What exactly is it you are balancing? Time? Is your life more ‘right’ when you spend 8 hours sleeping, 8 hours with family, and 8 hours working? That’s pretty balanced. But what if a key relationship needs your focus right now? What if your professional goals need you to put in 14 hours right now? Do you think Wayne Gretsky, Lady Gaga, Nelson Mandela, Wolfgang Puck, Steve Jobs, or Albert Einstein are or were ever ‘balanced’ people? Did they get what they got through careful time-management? Did they wait for things to ‘calm down’ before taking the next big step?

I’m thinking not. I think all those if’s and when’s are just the future tense of shoulda’s and coulda’s. It’s all part of a world of magical thinking where time can be managed and a life can be balanced.

I think it works like this:

1. Through accident or stubborn searching (most likely a mix of both) you zero in on what really matters. For you. That work that energizes you when you are exhausted. That thing you just have to do. That you would do for free if you didn’t need the money. Focus and precision matter here, not balance. As Marcus Buckingham states: genius is precise. Genius does not live in a conditional world of if’s and shoulda’s.
2. Having ‘figured it out’ you spend unbalanced, unhinged amounts of time doing it. You figure out by design and by chance what kinds of practices, decisions, and actions best feed the beautiful monster, and they become your focus every day. They are the things that get done before other things. They become the necessary priorities.
3. At the end of the day, and at the end of your life, you fall into bed exhausted. As the dark pulls around you, you close your eyes knowing you have made a difference.

How do we make that work in our typical lives? When we have children and partners to love and care for? When accidents happen, and we find ourselves bouncing around in a Drunkard’s Walk, sails torn and compass spinning?

I am still working on that, but one thing I believe: conversations matter. Focused, highly tuned conversation where everyone spends as much time listening as speaking. Where everyone listens not only to the words, but the suggestions and hints behind the words, and the unspoken things that lie between the words. In conversations with those we love or trust (ideally both) we find what our genius intends us for. And sometimes we even learn how we are to get there.

In the real world, with obligations and distractions all around us, I believe it is in great conversations that we figure it out.

Clemens provides coaching services for professionals, business owners, and managers. If you are ready to take that next step to become even more successful, send Clemens a message.

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